Heartbreak: The Terrible, Beautiful Price of Loving Deeply
Let’s talk about heartbreak.
Not the rom-com version where someone is dramatically crying into a pint of ice cream (though, if that’s you, please eat the ice cream — I fully support it). I’m talking about the real, gut-level heartbreak that takes your breath away. The kind that shows up quietly, like a shadow, when love you’ve offered has shifted, disappeared, or just… isn’t there anymore.
I used to think heartbreak was just really bad disappointment. You know, when something you hoped for didn’t pan out — like the time I thought bangs were a good idea. (Spoiler alert: they weren’t.) But then I read Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, and on page 188 she writes about heartbreak in a way that completely redefined it for me.
She explains — with her signature clarity — that heartbreak doesn’t come from unmet expectations. It comes from the loss of love, or even just the perceived loss of love, toward someone or something you’ve truly given your heart to.
That means it’s not the fight that breaks us. It’s not even the ending of the relationship, friendship, or season of life. It’s that deep ache that happens when love — once alive, warm, pulsing — is no longer there.
And here’s the kicker: heartbreak doesn’t only come from breakups. It comes when your child grows up and no longer needs your help tying their shoes. It comes when someone you love deeply dies. It comes when you’ve poured your soul into something — a job, a dream, a home — and then have to walk away.
Heartbreak is proof that we dared to love.
And as much as it hurts, it also tells a story: you were brave enough to open your heart. You were vulnerable enough to let someone in. You risked the pain of loss for the beauty of connection.
That’s not weakness — that’s courage with a side of tenderness.
As a therapist, I sit with people in heartbreak often. And here’s what I’ve learned (and sometimes laughed through):
The pain feels like it will last forever — it won’t.
You’ll think you’re the only one who’s ever felt this way — you’re not.
You might feel like your heart actually broke — in a way, it did… but it can heal, and often, it heals stronger.
Because heartbreak, as awful as it is, carves space inside of us. And in that space, new love, meaning, and understanding often take root.
So if you’re reading this with a heart that feels like it’s been stepped on, dropped, and run over a few times, let me tell you this: your heartbreak is sacred evidence of love. It’s proof you were here, that you gave, that you mattered to someone or something beyond yourself.
And while I can’t take the pain away, I can sit with you in it. That’s what we therapists do. We hold the space, help you breathe, cry, sometimes laugh through tears, and eventually… begin to rebuild.
Because even broken hearts keep beating.
And yours? It’s still beating for a reason.
